U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
