The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So squirting runs in the family.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize