you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
