Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
3 2 1 whiskey
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
