Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
