STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
