You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
