$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
