you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
