I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
