did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
