he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
