So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
