I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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