No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
