If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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