watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Randomize
