Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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