I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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