Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
