i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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