Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
