First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
