I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
