someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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