i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
