I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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