Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
