She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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