no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
