Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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