The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
