so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
