guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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