Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's blow job season.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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