I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
