i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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