I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
