Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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