Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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