we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
