well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
