He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
