Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
