just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
