I just threw up on my dentist
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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