from now on my penis is your penis
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
