Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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