I can tuck mytits in my pants
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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