If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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