Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
