I want to stick my p in your. b.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they're like a gay fantastic four
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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