i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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