i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
