You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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