i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
