Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
