I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
