this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
