Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
