Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize