Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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