my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
