Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
