and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
