I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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