I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
