tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
