2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
