your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
